Some levity

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Some levity

theDumberOne

10-20-2008, 6:45 PM | Post #2581013 | 2 Replies

Bankers are the butt of new jokes

1. President Bush said clients shouldn't be concerned by all
these bank closings. If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM, he
said.

2. George Bush said that he is saddened to hear about the demise
of Lehman brothers… His thoughts at this time go out to their mother
as losing one son is hard but losing two is a tragedy.

3. The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on
the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

4. There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion. The
rest are all subprime.

5. How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a
Sunday.

6. What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the
ocean? A good start.

7. Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money
back.

8. For Geography students: What's the capital of Iceland?
Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...

9. A trader: "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my
net worth and I still have a wife."

10. If you want to gamble, go to Las Vegas. If you want to trade in
derivatives, God bless you.

11. What's the difference between a guy who just lost everything in
Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

12. What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond
matures.

13. Forty years ago I sold fifty shares of my company stock and had
enough money to purchase a brand-new 1967 Ford pickup. Last week, I
checked it out, and if I sold another fifty shares, I'd have enough
money to buy a 1967 Ford pickup. So, the market has stabilized.

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Re: Some levity

0Brian0 10-20-2008, 8:08 PM | Post #2581051

Here's one:

Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?

A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a new BMW.

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Re: Some levity

fredP 10-22-2008, 10:09 PM | Post #2582204

Today's Stock Market Report
Paper was stationary.
Pencils lost a few points.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Helium was up, feathers were down.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

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